Brenna Without Borders

I’ve been pretty quiet over here for about a month now. You see I’ve hit a bit of blogging “midlife crisis”.

About a month ago, I returned to Pittsburgh for the Irish Festival. I flew, just like I always did to visit Garrett when we were long distance. Except for this time, my anxiety was through the roof of that plane and into the atmosphere. To make matters worse we flew through some terrible turbulence. I was in the last row of the plane, by myself, crying silently, I was confident that I was going to die that night.

Do you see my issue? It’s hard to continue writing a travel blog when you have a newly discovered fear of flying. I felt like a fraud like I wasn’t worthy of this space. A space that I created for myself.

Why is it that we always talk ourselves out of the things that we want? The things that we enjoy?

I have a new life unfolding here in Savannah. A new story that I can completely dictate the direction, the characters, the outcome. Savannah is a blank page. I have found that to be intimidating over the past two months. When writing a new story, you have to be careful you don’t simply rewrite the one you had before, the one you have told to yourself for several years. You truly have the opportunity to make it your own.

I was feeling inclined to share with some new friends about how some old friends hurt me very badly. Garrett said something incredibly wise to me before I did. His words to me were “You don’t have to bring them here with you.” They don’t have to be a part of this new story.

It was me that for some odd reason wanted them to stay in the story, but even when I did share an abbreviated story of my friend breakup, it didn’t seem right and it didn’t feel good. So from now on, that part of the story will not carry over. From now on, I am handpicking the characters that get to come into this next chapter.

As I write this new chapter of my life in Savannah, I’m wondering if this brings a new chapter to the blog. Maybe it transitions from a travel blog to more of a story of my time in Savannah? Maybe I start to talk more about fighting my anxieties and still doing the things I love – like traveling?

I know as humans we love boxes. We love categories. We love compartmentalizing in our brains where people belong- where we ourselves belong. I just don’t think it’s possible for me to fit only in one box. I think as time goes on we want different things for ourselves. My blog should transition with me. Trust me I want to get over my newfound fear of flying more than anything – but it wouldn’t feel good coming on here, talking about all my amazing trips, and leaving out the part where I have a complete anxiety attack every time I step foot on a plane. It wouldn’t feel honest and that wouldn’t be me.

This blog is me without borders. This means I share the honest and the nitty-gritty hard stuff in addition to all the physical borders I cross. I’m not sure where we go from here, but I’m just going to roll with it.

I feel a change within myself and I think that means a change for the blog too. Cheers to not picking one box, to changing the stories we tell ourselves and others, and writing the life we have always dreamed of living.