Brenna Without Borders

I am turning 27 this month. I feel like I just celebrated my birthday, this year has gone so fast. I love my birthday.  Most people roll their eyes when I say that.  But it’s not for the reasons most people would guess.  While I love receiving presents, eating cake, and having a day dedicated to me ( I’m a Libra what can I say?), I really just like what a birthday symbolizes.  A birthday is like our own individual New Years.  Birthdays are a chance to reflect, to look at where we were and how far we have come.  Oftentimes we operate day to day, week to week, not looking at the big picture.  Birthdays are an opportunity to say “Wow! Look how much I have accomplished. Look how much I have grown!” We can’t guarantee the time we are given on this Earth and what we choose to do with that time is important. Birthdays remind us of that.  

As a goal setter and an avid daydreamer, I love to use my birthday to reflect on what I have accomplished and eagerly look at what is to come for the next year! 

This past year, I finally grew into myself. I stopped answering to other people and started listening to myself. I spent time alone; more than expected. I started asking myself what I want from life and how I am going to get it? 

My motto for my 26th year was this: “If you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to keep getting what you got.”  The lessons that follow were a result of this motto. 

1. How to cook. I love me some carbs. Pasta, bread, mac and cheese, pretzels, popcorn, chips and salsa. These were my go-to meals so I didn’t have to actually cook.  But then I started running long distances and I was hungry all the time.  After a 10 mile run, a bag of Smart Pop White Cheddar popcorn was not going to cut it for dinner. I needed some carbs, but I also needed protein and vitamins to take the place of all the nutrition lost while running.  I don’t love preparing raw meat, so I got creative with finding my protein. The more I tested recipes that looked fun and tasty to me, the more I learned to enjoy the process. 
2. Stop apologizing. The words “I am sorry” should really only be used when you have offended or hurt someone’s feelings. You should not be apologizing for something that is not your fault or out of your control. Not only can this be annoying to friends and family, it can also come across as unprofessional and as if you don’t know what you are doing in the workplace. Be confident, believe that you deserve a place at the table. Do not apologize for simply taking up space. 
3. Exercise to help fight depression and anxiety. I always knew that I should exercise because it was good for me. People who exercise live longer.  It helps prevent excessive weight gain, etc.  At 5’3” and 115 lbs, It was rare for a doctor to ever tell me I NEED to workout.  However, we really should stop looking at working out as only something we do to gain or lose weight.  In the words of Elle Woods, “exercising gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy….” It’s funny, but it’s so true.  I struggle with depression and anxiety.  In my darkest times of depression, I was training for half marathons. Waking up for training runs, doing group workouts, being held accountable and on a schedule, got me through those tough days.  I didn’t always feel my best, but when I ran, I always felt better than if I stayed home on the couch.  In this pandemic time, daily yoga or cardio (even just 20 mins) reduces my anxiety tremendously and sets me up for a productive day. 
4. Boy’s who say they don’t want a serious relationship, actually DON’T.  Three years ago I asked a boy a question.  The, “so what is this?” question. His response was, “I’m just having fun.” I cried, in front of him. Definitely a low point.  What is worse than that? I continued to see him whenever he called, after he dated other girls, and whenever he chose. Simply because I believe that I could be something he wanted at the end of it all. I wasted three years pining over a man who was 100% not worth my time. I should have ran. The minute he said he was “having fun”. My response should have been “BYE”. Though this lesson was learned more slowly than I care to admit, it was learned and will never be forgotten. 
5. Not all friends will be your friend forever. This one sucks. I don’t know who told me that all my friends would be forever. I suppose Disney channel brainwashed me pretty good.  But it’s just not true.  Some people are meant to be a part of your life for a certain period of time. And then they go. We have to let them go. It’s not good to live in the past and I have done this quite a bit with friendships.  At some point, it becomes too challenging to be chasing down people who no longer have an interest in being a part of your life.  Let them go.  Love the friends that are with you now. Be grateful for them.  Some people bring you different qualities you need at different times. Be open to that. 
6. Your parents are really cool people. I love my parents, always have. I have always respected them and admired them. But now, I really love hanging out with them. I like chatting about deep subjects with them and sucking every bit of knowledge I can from them.  They know me, so they get my jokes, they understand when I’m hurting, and they see my full potential.  No one cheers for me louder than my parents. 
7. A work-life balance is important. I love having a job. Additionally, I love being really good at my job.  I love meeting deadlines, completing paperwork, and putting out fires on the daily.  I work in events, so oftentimes I need to be available on weekends or during the evening.  I am completely comfortable with this and answer my phone when necessary. But do you know what PTO stands for? Paid Time Off. That’s right. You are getting paid for that day off. In fact, that is listed as one of the “benefits” on your job description. Which means that on those days, you do not need to be checking your emails. You do not need to be responding to an email at 10pm at night that you can answer at 8am the next morning with no repercussions.  These are called boundaries and it is important to have them. 
8. Wear sunscreen every day. I have fair skin, freckles, and blonde hair. I am highly prone to skin cancer, it’s very common in my family.  When I turned 25 I started wearing sunscreen on my face to prevent wrinkles (lol).  Now, turning 27 in a few short days, It is a part of my morning routine and I do it to protect myself from skin cancer, but also wrinkles as well.  
9. Have hobbies other than drinking with friends on weekends. Drinking and going out was about all we did on the weekends in college.  I began to forget how I used to spend my weekends before I discovered alcohol.  This year, I started diving into hobbies that I really enjoy. Writing (hence the blog) , playing the piano, learning a language, doing puzzles.  These are all hobbies that don’t require alcohol or an altered mindset to enjoy. If you don’t know what your hobbies are, start making a list of all the things you are interested in.  Narrow it down and really go after a few of them.  This will help you develop into the person you are called to be. 
10. It’s okay to have big dreams. Take those dreams and write them down. Then work on small steps (or goals) that can work you towards your dreams.  Then break those goals down into a to-do list. These goals may align with the hobbies I just talked in #9. Having dreams is a part of being human. Mine is to see as much of the world as possible. I have one life to achieve that goal.  
11. You might not get over heartbreak as easy as the movies make it. Though I am in a happy and healthy relationship, there are heartbreaks that still dwindle in the back of my mind.  It’s not uncommon to be getting over someone who really messed you up, all while falling head over heels for someone new.  Heartbreak usually leaves scars.  Be open about your scars, notice them, but never allow them to hold you back from an amazing new relationship. 
12. Watching your parents and grandparents get older sucks. This is a scary part of life that I never thought I would have to deal with until I was an “adult” who had it all figured out.  Let me tell you, I’m an adult and I most certainly don’t have it all figured out.  I had to take my dad to the emergency room this year.  Thank God, he was okay.  But this really got me thinking, what happens when he is not okay?! How am I going to handle it? We have to be prepared.  There is no good or right way to handle parents and grandparents getting older.  The best thing you can do is always remain calm, communicate constantly with other family members, and try to do what is best for that individual of concern.  Do all of that -without killing yourself to make others happy. Watching my parents take care of my grandparents breaks my heart.  They are constantly worried and unhappy. I try to offer assistance and relief whenever possible.  If you are going through this, the best thing to do is give yourself and everyone involved grace.  There is a lot of emotion involved and it’s hard. 
13. Taking care of a pet is a serious and amazing commitment. Getting my cat Linus was one of the best things I have ever done. Read about it here. I loved the responsibility that I suddenly carried by having a pet. I loved taking care of another living being.  At a time when I was feeling very low, caring for another really brought me back. Linus brought me so much joy over the past year.  He is my best buddy and always at my side. The commitment of taking care of an animal takes you outside of yourself and allows you to focus more on others. 
14. You can say no to plans even if you aren’t busy. I am still challenged by this lesson. I never want to disappoint people. I always want to show up. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed, oftentimes I feel anxious for no particular reason at all. It’s okay to plan to not have plans. It’s okay to say “no” if it’s something you have no interest in participating in.  It’s okay to turn down plans and just do nothing.  You aren’t given that permission enough; I’m giving it to you now. 
15. Good men respect you. They look out for you. They admire your independence and cheer on your crazy ideas. A good man will respect your decisions and opinions. He will not belittle you or emotionally manipulate you.  He will constantly seek to understand you and know you better every day. 
16. Drink water. At least 32oz a day, more if you can.  Water is good for your skin, it’s good for your immune and digestive systems.  It keeps you functioning and prevents you from feeling sluggish.  I carry a water bottle with me everywhere I go now. Drink more water and I promise you will feel a difference. 
17. Sleep for 8 hours a night. Along with drinking water, this is going to make you feel way better. Not only am I striving for 8 hours every night now, I am now looking into how to get the best quality sleep. I am trying out essential oils, lotions, turning on a fan, weighted blankets, anything! When I sleep well, I’m more productive and hit the ground running the next day. 
18. Set a routine; it helps combat your anxiety. If you are like me and suffer from really bad anxiety (especially in the time of Covid), you’re probably always looking for ways to combat this feeling.  I have found recently, the more I use my planner, the less anxiety I have.  On Sunday night or Monday morning, I write down everything I want to accomplish that week. Then I schedule each day.  I schedule in my workouts, what I will cook, my work meetings, when I’m seeing friends. I break the week up by tasks and it suddenly seems more manageable; putting my anxiety at ease. 
19. Counseling is for everyone. Along with setting routines to fight my anxiety, I started going to counseling this year. From November – March I was meeting with a counselor 1x a week.  Yes, that is how bad my anxiety and depression was last winter.  But even when I dialed it back to once a month, I found myself eager to talk with her.  In counseling, I am learning how to effectively communicate with those I love and how to manage conflict.  It has made me feel so much better about life and put my anxiety to bed almost completely.  We are humans, we have conflict, we have relationships, and we carry a lot of heavy baggage.  Even if you don’t suffer from anxiety or depression, talking to someone lightens that load and gives you ideas of how to manage that baggage. 
20. If you make a mistake it doesn’t make you unloveable. I have made some big mistakes. I used to think that when I made a mistake, one that disappointed or upset those close to me, that they would no longer love me.  I figured they would unfriend me because of my mess up.  But thankfully, I have some pretty amazing people in my life that loved me through those mistakes.  This confirmed for me that I don’t have to be defined by my mistakes.  Additionally, when people close to me make mistakes, I will never abandon them, but rather remind them that they are bigger than their mistake and they will move past this. 
21. It’s okay to ask for help.  I was completely overwhelmed at work last fall.  I refused to ask for help because I did not want to seem uncompetant. What ended up happening was I started dropping the ball on certain tasks because I had too much on my plate.  It’s hard to ask for help. But it’s often vital to our quality of life.  Whether it be at work or in life, those around us want to help us,they want to see us succeed. Accept the help. 
22. Spend less time on Social Media.  A lot of my anxiety comes from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Social media really helps with this; it really drives home the idea that everyone else is having fun -without you.  When I put down the phone and dive into a hobby or a great book, I always find myself relaxed, productive, and happier overall.  Bonus points, not looking at social media before bed is proven to help you sleep better (#17)
23. You have to care. Politics, movements, what’s happening in the world right now.  We can no longer accept that ignorance is bliss.  I have never got into politics before because I just wanted “everyone to get along”.  The reality is that we need to create a future that is equal, safe, and all around better for everyone.  Which means, I can’t get along with everyone.  I have to have a voice.  I have to listen and educate myself.  I have to care and pay attention to what is happening so I can do my part and stand up for what is right.  
24. Sometimes life isn’t fair. You may have deserved that promotion more than your coworker that got it. You may manage your money well and still not be making enough for a nicer apartment like your friends right now.  It really is a bummer, but comparison will kill you.  Remember what you deserve and always strive to be better.  Take those disappointments and find a new approach. 
25. Don’t touch your face. Don’t pop that pimple. I know it seems like a good idea right now. I know it’s super painful and looks like a second head.  Popping a pimple is almost never the answer. It usually bleeds, and then it scabs, and then it stays on your face even longer than it would’ve if you just left it alone. I did not think I would be struggling with acne as a 26 year old adult, but here we are.  
26. Nothing good can come from negative thoughts and comments. Getting caught in a dangerous web of negative thoughts is scary.  It’s also very hard to come out of.  This year, I have worked hard to replace my negative thoughts with positive ones.  To practice gratitude for what I have.  Rather than thinking “oh no, what am I going to do?”, thinking, “what a great new opportunity. When you are more positive you encourage those around you to be more positive too. 
27. You deserve love and happiness. In my 26th year I finally learned about self love and self happiness. I am thankful for the journey that has brought me here. I am grateful to the people who have shared this time with me. We all need to know that we are worthy of love and happiness. We need to strive for it everyday.  

It was an amazing year. I learned and grew so much.  I share this in hopes it resonates with others coming into their late (AH!) 20s with me.  I can’t wait to see what this next year brings, though it looks more uncertain than ever, I have no doubt it will be an adventure!