For the Love of Run
I have a love/hate relationship with running. More often than not I find my love trumping the hate and I set out on foot for some cardio. Slowly but surely running has forced its way into my heart and found a place. Once it caught root, it didn’t let go. It took over, working on me from the inside out.
I ran for exercise in college. It was something to do with roommates or an excuse to get away from people and be alone. At my first job, nonprofit, I was asked to participate in the Pittsburgh Marathon as a member of a relay team. I had never involved myself in an organized race before in my life. Maybe a 5k or two in college. I knew nothing about the Pittsburgh Marathon. I didn’t even know anyone who ran it. I only knew that it made traffic a nightmare.
Race day came. My parents dropped me off at my relay startline. I was the second leg. 6.3 miles, the furthest I had ever run. Almost ¼ of the way into the course. I laced up my Nikes, I was bundled up, not use to running in cold weather. I was terrified and I 100% thought that I would not be able to do it. Long story made short, It was amazing. I finished my leg, handed off to my team member, and my only thought was how bummed I was that I didn’t get to cross the actual finish line. THE finish line.
The energy involved in a marathon is indescribable. The following year I signed up for the half marathon. The year after that I ran it again. Then I signed up for the Columbus half marathon. I signed up for Pittsburgh yet AGAIN, until Covid happened. These races are addicting and if the pandemic hadn’t hit, I certainly would not have stopped.
When I started running, I stopped going to the bar as frequently. I would skip nights out to get a good night sleep and get up early the following day to run.I began to make healthier life decisions. I ran with friends. Whether they knew it or not they held me accountable. I showed up because I knew if I didn’t, they would call me out. I started choosing me. Choosing my health. Loving the good I was capable of.
Running has transformed me. It caught root and grew wild like a weed it took over my life for the better. The kind of take over that you can feel through your body. The euphoric experience of crossing a finish line – makes every hair on my body stand on end – is unlike any other. They don’t call it a “high” for nothing. Running over a finish line, accomplishing a goal, when everything in your body told you , no. The crowd is cheering but your world goes silent. Your legs are still moving but that doesn’t matter anymore. Any pain you feel melts away. You did it. That feeling right there is what drives you to the startline of race after race. It is indescribable. It is a feeling I strive for often and will continue to strive for.
When the pandemic hit, I tried my hardest to continue running. However, I hit quite a slump. I was training to run the half virtually and mentally I could not get there. During this time, I have learned how much I relied on my friends to keep me motivated. Never would I have told you that running is a group sport until now. Mentally I cannot get myself there. With everything going on in the world, I have decided to give myself grace and not push myself to run. It is important to give ourselves grace. Though I have tried my hardest not to be hard on myself, it has been interesting to encourage myself back towards running. It has not been easy, and yet I find comfort. Running is still there, it just shows up inside of me in different ways.
After all this, I really believe that running brought me to who I am today. The me I am meant to be. With the help of some friends, sneakers, and some cardio, I fell in love with myself again.